Chill Skills: An Anger Management Approach

 To Violence

 

 

Deborah J. Thomason Ed.D.,CFLE

 

Chill Skills: An Anger Management Approach to Violence is a Cooperative

Extension experientially based curriculum model developed for county extension faculty. The model approaches anger management for youth and adults at developmentally appropriate levels.  The model was developed in response to the current social climate and to compliment a previous extension program effort Conflict Resolution.

The focus of the program is to provide youth and adults with the  coping and communication skills that enable them to effectively

·        Deal with their anger and to minimize the negative effects of conflict.

·        Understand that anger is a normal human feeling.

·        Recognize the difference between angry feelings and angry behavior.

·        Identify what triggers their anger.

·        Become familiar with their physical anger warning signs.

·        Consider the consequences of angry behavior.

·        Develop constructive and effective ways of expressing and handling their anger

·        Respond effectively and appropriately to the anger of others

 

            ANGER is an internal reaction, which an individual learns to name, to an external event.  Anger involves complex feelings.  It is made up of different reactions that cause us to be irritated, annoyed, furious, frustrated, enraged and even hurt. It can prevent happiness and productivity in our personal and professional lives. 

Our response to anger involves our body, our behaviors and our thought process.  The events that cause us to feel angry have no emotional value in themselves – it is how we appraise these events that causes a shift in our physical well-being.  Anger can be very powerful, and that very power can lead to our greatest productivity if it is well-managed.  When we approach anger in a positive and realistic way, we will experience greater control and happiness. 

People who handle their anger in a healthy way will do the following:

            Treat anger as a normal part of life.

            Use anger as a signal that there are problems to be addressed.

            Take actions when necessary, but only after careful thought.

            Express their anger in moderation, without losing control.

            Use anger to solve problems, not just to express their feelings.

            State their anger clearly, in ways that others can understand

            Solve the problem and let go of the anger.

 

 

It is important to understand the forms of negative thinking that can contribute to anger and change your mood.

 

• Exaggeration is when you magnify the importance of problems or minimize the good things in your life.

 

• Mind reading is jumping to conclusions and interpreting things in a negative manner. 

 

• Black & White is an all-or-nothing attitude. 

 

• Dwelling is when you pick out a negative situation and obsess on it.

 

• Discounting happens when you overlook the positive and never give yourself or others credit for a job well done.

 

• Blaming adds resentment to relationships and fuels internal anger.

 

Your body gives you signals to tell you how it feels when you become angry.  Tension is the first stage in the anger process.  Tension is the residue that is left when you cannot do something about your problems.  After awhile, tension will let you know that you are wearing down, and physical and/or emotional illness can be the result. Escalated anger brings on physical effects such as increased blood glucose, heart rate and blood pressure; shallow and difficult breathing; back and head pain; and sweating to name a few. Some of the mental effects of anger are difficulty in concentrating, poor performance, sleeplessness and lack of focus.  These can lead to other emotional problems such as depression, fatigue, irritability, nervousness and worry. Some behavioral effects of anger can be eating disorders, drug use, alcoholism smoking, restlessness, impulsiveness, compulsiveness, withdrawal and isolation. Organizational effects may be job burnout, dissatisfaction, poor relationships, job turnover and accidents.

 

Anger can be used in a productive, positive way.  If used correctly, anger can be good.  GOOD 

 

ANGER can:

       Energize you

       Release tension in a constructive way

       Provide information

       Help you communicate when you are upset

       Resolve hidden conflict

 

However if used inappropriately, ANGER produces negative results.  BAD ANGER can:

       Control your thoughts

       Disrupt your life

       Cause pain to self and others

       Ruin relationships

       Cause health problems

       Leave a negative impression with others

      Cause other emotional problems    

 

Are you aware of your “HOT BUTTONS?”  If you know what provokes you and why you get angry, you can be better prepared to deal with situations. Create techniques in advance for managing your “HOT BUTTONS.”  Learn how to avoid certain situations that trigger anger. Practice anger management skills that will build up your tolerance for angry situations.

Know what triggers your anger so that you can stop and chill.

 

Some common ways to categorize situations that make people angry: 

 

INJUSTICE – Things that happen in this category can make you feel that you have been treated unfairly.

 

HURT – We get angry when we have been hurt or abused verbally or physically. 

 

FRUSTRATION – Usually we become frustrated when we cannot get something done our way or when someone disappoints us.

 

ANNOYANCES – Sometimes life’s little irritations get on our nerves especially when they begin to stack up.  They leave us feeling out of control.

 

Increasing awareness of what triggers anger in people can help them develop skills to manage their behavior and control their anger.