From Practice into Research:
and Delivering Parenting Education to Fathers
By Marilou M. Rochford, MA, CFLE
and Elizabeth Kaminsky, MA
The Cooperative State Research and Extension Service, better known as the Cooperative Extension System, is comprised of a nationwide network of professionals from land grant universities and other institutions, all with the mission of helping people improve their lives through an educational process that uses scientific knowledge focused on issues and needs. (CREES, USDA Washington D.C.) In New Jersey, specifically at Cook College, Rutgers University, the areas covered by Cooperative Extension consist of agriculture and resource management, family and consumer sciences and 4-H youth development. Many extension professionals hold tenured faculty appointments and must meet the university’s criteria for research, publication and teaching excellence. In addition, Extension faculty must function as facilitators, writers, public relations practitioners, public speakers, counselors and computer experts within their assigned communities. This demanding skill set calls for individuals with unique qualities and presents exciting opportunities for blending the traditional academic pursuit of research with the practical applications available to help consumers improve their lives and well being.
Within Rutgers Cooperative Extension, the family and consumer sciences department focuses on three core areas – nutrition diet and health, human development and financial management. Faculty is encouraged to develop expertise within their comprehensive program, providing that the specialty area meets an identified need within the community they serve. To that end, Rochford’s specialty focus on parenting education for fathers grew from an expressed community need into an opportunity for research and contribution to Extension practice.
During the first years of providing parenting education, it was Rochford’s observation that parenting classes attracted far more women than men. Women would participate, seek information and offer support to one another. During these classes, the mothers often asked, "Where are the fathers?" "Why aren't more men here?" or "The dads should be here, too!" She had to ask herself the same questions. She examined our marketing style. What would appeal to fathers? How could we reach them? If we reached them, how could we involve them? What about the children? What was the impact on them? All of these things needed investigation, and Rochford has spent a great deal of time over the last few years reviewing literature, conducting focus groups and surveying fathers to provide answers and support for these many questions.
As Rochford began the study, she found that the problem of fatherless ness was much larger than she imagined. Today's children face risks unlike any other generation. These risks increase if a child grows up without his or her father. The literature poses disturbing realities. For the first time in our history, the average child can expect to live a significant amount of his or her life in a family without a father. Divorce accounts for a large percentage of father absence. One in two US marriages end in divorce. (US Census Bureau) "Father flight" or men abandoning their children even before they are born, is another reason for fatherless families.
US Census Data shows that with the increasing number of premarital births and a continuing high divorce rate, the proportion of children living with just one parent rose from 9 percent in 1960 to 27 percent in 1994. Eighty-eight percent of children who are living with only one parent are living with their mother.
This increasing rate of physically-absent fathers would be less disturbing if the physically-absent dads continued to remain involved in their children's lives. "About 40% of the children who live in fatherless households haven't seen their fathers in at least a year. Only one child in six sees their father an average of once or more a week." (Furstenburg and Winquist Nord)
In studying the absence of fathers, we needed to examine what happens when kids are fatherless. Various studies have linked children growing up without a father are more likely to be involved in drugs, crime, violence, teen pregnancy and school problems. Concern escalates when one considers that:
· Nearly 75% of American children living in single parent families will experience poverty before they turn 11 years old. (National Commission on Children, Washington, DC)
· "The likelihood that a young male will engage in criminal activity doubles if he is raised without a father and triples if he lives in a neighborhood with a high concentration of single-parent families." (US Department of Justice)
· With regard to school, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services ads, "Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school." (Survey on Child Health)
The consequences of fatherless ness seem staggering. But before attempting to resolve any of these issues, we needed to look at how things got to this point. Some contributing factors can be found by examining fatherhood styles past and present.
Traditionally, men received little or no support from their fathers as role models. Not very long ago a typical father was depicted as uninvolved in pregnancy, childbirth and childcare. His role was to nervously pace the waiting room floor. He was not a diaper changer nor child feeder. He rarely checked homework, prepared meals, washed clothes, told bedtime stories or shopped for his children's birthday presents. His main responsibility was protecting and providing (financially) for his family. He had more than one job. He was strong, never cried or said "I love you" and he was the only one in the family who wasn't afraid of the dark. Adults involved in my parenting classes described their own fathers this way. Reviewing these past roles led me to ask whether the lessons from yesterday are appropriate for families today? The answer is no, if we look at how things have changed.
Consider the following present-day realities shared by Jerrold Lee Shapiro, PhD.,
· Over 80% of today's fathers in intact families will be present at the birth of their children.
· They will share the diaper changing and feeding.
· If they stay married, it is unlikely they will be the sole bread winners
· With increasing frequency, fathers of young children will be single parents, stepfathers, or living away from their natural children. Some will become the primary child-care person, even in intact families.
· Support from extended family members and neighbors are almost nonexistent.
That lack of support from family and friends has a big impact on the families of today. If today’s father is in a different situation than the father of 25 years ago, it makes sense that different support systems are needed. This change in the need for support makes our jobs as extension educators more difficult, as we are challenged with providing that support. Quite a bit has been said, done and studied about the transitions women make when re-entering the workforce. Not much, however, has been done about the transition for fathers, or expanded role that they take on. Even less has been studied regarding the emotional or feeling level of parenting that children need and from which fathers still shy away. Communicating love and acceptance to his children and acknowledging their importance in his life is essential for fathers. Yet dealing with emotions remains an area where many men feel uncomfortable, and many find it difficult to turn to others for support.
In his book, Fathering, Will Glennon says, "In general, men tend to be very good at controlling their emotions…but for too long we have been silent about our love for our children, about the happiness and sorrow that being a father brings." He calls this a crisis in fatherhood and explains that the "most important quality of a good father at this point in history is the capacity to communicate and share deep feelings with our children." Since children’s healthy development is so important, training and education for fathers is critical.
Research from a variety of sources has shown that active father involvement is necessary for positive impact on the growing child. Children need the male influence to develop into well-rounded individuals. While children are most often nurtured and cared for by mothers, it is a father’s influence that helps to develop the skills of competition, initiative, risk taking and independence. For example, it is common to observe a father encouraging his child to swing higher or run faster, when, in contrast, messages like “be careful” or “slow down” come from the mothers. Fathers teach children through physical play or rough housing, developing the assertive side of children’s personalities. Fathers encourage problem solving and self-reliance to get things done.
The crucial importance of fathers to children, the lack of available information or support and the needs expressed by the community led Rochford to research ways to strengthen families by strengthening fathers. But as a woman, she also knew that there would be barriers in her efforts to bring that information to them. She knew that what motivates women would not necessarily be what motivates the fathers. She needed to be sensitive to the many differences we might have in learning and communication styles in order to conduct research and then ultimately develop curricula for programs. Rochford began by seeking some common ground, i.e. interest in their children’s lives, to reach out to fathers. She first identified men in the community who showed an interest in the topic, either through their attendance at programs, attendance at school sponsored programs, or by participation in child-focused community organizations (little league, scouting, clubs, etc.). Speaking with them individually and listening to their concerns took a great deal of time. Through many conversations, she worked to build their trust and asked for their guidance in overcoming gender differences and communication roadblocks.
During this initial interviewing process, she reached 22 fathers. From that group, 15 core members emerged, willing to participate further in helping us to research and develop parenting education programs targeted specifically for fathers. This core group served as a focus group. In the beginning, they helped to test research questions that ultimately became a formal survey. They also helped to administer that survey. Currently, most of the same core group members remain involved, helping to test curricula and programs we have developed.
Early meetings with the core group provided valuable insight. Many of these men did not know one another. In our observation, their behavior was very guarded and quite different from our experience with similar groups of mothers who were immediately participatory and helpful to one another. We theorized that the fathers had fears, possibly fears of discussing "fatherhood" and being judged. Perhaps their fears centered on the type of work they did, and they were afraid they would be compared and "come up short." Slowly the fathers opened up and shared. They shared about their children, their own parents, and their kids’ mothers. After several meetings, we were able to share our theories with them regarding their level of involvement. Their responses confirmed our “fear” theory and we appreciated their honesty and candor in sharing their opinions.
Armed with this preliminary information, we developed a ten-question fatherhood survey, which was initially administered to 200 fathers. Focus group members tested the survey and gave feedback on the survey instrument. In addition, they assisted with collecting the data. Surveys were collected at health and community fairs, schools, county offices, community groups and other locations open to the general public. Surveys were collected with a staff member or volunteer present to minimize the incidence of false responses. Incentives, such as drawings for prizes, were used to encourage participation, however respondents had to be fathers in order to participate. After the initial sampling, we continued to collect data using the same survey instrument and incorporating the results into the total. Overall, 322 surveys have been collected and tabulated.
Demographic qualifying questions helped us to determine the socio-economic and educational status of respondents. Of the men surveyed, 43% were between 35 and 44 years old, 27% were between 45 and 54 years old. 92% of respondents were married, 5% of respondents were divorced. 56% of respondents had completed at least some college education. 25% of respondents had one child, while 53% had two children. More than 70% of respondents were employed full time, with family incomes of between $24,000 and $39,000 (11%), $40,000 and $49,000 (11%) and $60,000 or higher (59.8%). In reviewing the demographic data, we could see a correlation to the geographic area that we serve. There is a unique mixture of affluent seashore resort communities with inner city and rural areas dealing with seasonal unemployment. Although the original sample included fathers from all areas of our county, further study may wish to include extracting survey samples from the rural and inner city areas specifically.
To determine fathers’ needs for education and support we developed questions to determine their current skill level, their interests, their role models, and their preferred delivery methods for education and information. When asked how prepared they felt for their role as a father at the birth of their first child, 14% felt completely prepared, 41% felt moderately prepared, 24% felt somewhat prepared, 13% felt moderately unprepared and 8% felt that they were not at all prepared to be a father.
The majority of respondents stated at least a minimal level of preparedness for parenting and therefore could move on to the next set of questions that examined the methods that helped prepare them for fatherhood. Respondents could select all methods that applied to them, however they were asked to qualify their response by answering whether the choice they made was their decision on whether they were prompted by another to seek the method of preparation they selected. Their choices were: Childbirth classes, parenting or child development classes, reading books and magazines, speaking with other fathers, speaking with other mothers, speaking with people who are not parents, television/movies, meeting with a pediatrician, meeting with school personnel, meeting with other child development professionals, watching my own father, speaking with my own father, watching my own mother, speaking with my own mother and an “Other” category into which they could write an additional choice. These categories of choices were developed with the focus group members’ input and testing.
With regard to the methods of preparation, 54% made the decision to attend childbirth classes while 28% went to those classes when prompted by another. Of the respondents reporting their own actions for preparedness (their decision) 81% sought out information by speaking with other fathers, 55% sought out information by watching and speaking with their own mothers, 64% sought out information by watching their own fathers, but only about half that (39%) actually spoke with their own fathers to gain information. 50% of respondents turned to books, magazines or other media for their information.
There were two significant items in the area where decisions to gain parenting preparedness were prompted by another, the first of which is mentioned above in childbirth class attendance. The second is in the area of gaining information through books and magazines, where16% of respondents reported that they were prompted by another to gain information in this manner.
One area of significance with regard to gaining preparedness information that deserves mention is in the difference between fathers speaking with their own father versus speaking with their own mother. A greater percentage of men (55%) reported that they spoke with their mothers as opposed to 39% who spoke with their fathers. When we discussed these results in future focus group meetings, fathers shared their own theories on this item. Focus group members noted that asking their own fathers for advice or “parenting preparation” was uncomfortable or could be perceived as a sign of weakness.
The next area of examination dealt with role models. Respondents were asked who their role models were and could choose all that applied from a list including their own father, their grandfather, their brother, another family member, a teacher, a coach, a family friend or other person not listed. 85% chose their own father as their role model, 35% chose a family friend, 24% chose their grandfather and 22% chose another family member. The remainder of the choices drew less than 20% responses, respectively.
The next question dealt with fathers’ perceived knowledge of children’s changing needs as they grow. Fathers were asked to state if they definitely, somewhat or did not have a grasp on their child’s changing needs. Nineteen percent of respondents felt that they definitely had a grasp, 51% felt fairly confident, 29% felt somewhat confident and less than 6% were not confident that they had a grasp on their child’s changing needs.
Fathers were then asked if they were interested in continuing education or support for their role as a father and, if they answered yes, were asked to write in some topics of interest. Even though the fathers expressed a high level of confidence in their knowledge of child development (as reported in the previous question), we were interested to note that 59% of them still wanted further education and support. Topics they wanted more information on included: child growth and development, discipline, mental development, teen behavior, puberty, understanding emotions, communication and dealing with divorce.
Fathers were asked about the delivery methods for receiving information. They could choose from parenting classes including mothers, parenting classes just for fathers, activities with fathers and children, newsletters and other. Respondents chose newsletters (40%) and activities with children (33%) as their preferred methods of learning, with parenting classes for fathers only slightly behind (26%). Information gained in this question and in discussions with the focus group helped to determine the nature of continuing education and support programs we have produced to reach out to and strengthen fathers.
As a final question, participants were asked if they would be willing to reach out to other dads or to help with other aspects of the program. 28% responded that they would assist us by reaching out to other fathers either by collecting surveys, participating in programs, planning programs or helping with a newsletter. Respondents could also write in any additional comments or questions regarding the survey or fatherhood issues.
Upon completion of the survey and after conferring with the group and with some colleagues, we determined that another application would have research and instructional value for the future. With that in mind, we developed a video presentation, largely consisting of conducted on-camera personal interviews. Subjects were chosen from volunteers in the focus group as well as volunteers who had responded to the written survey. The subjects were asked many of the questions included in the survey and were also asked to go further. They discussed in detail their role models; the things they learned from their own fathers and the things they wanted their children to learn from them. One of the most significant findings in conducting these video interviews came when fathers were discussing their own father. Almost across the board, these men stated that they wished they had spent more time with their own dad. Each one was also quick to “defend” his father’s reasons for not spending time with the family, most of which dealt with financial issues. However, when the interviewees were asked what was the one thing they wanted to do differently, they unanimously responded that they wanted to spend more time with their own children. The subjects were open and candid, providing excellent “discussion starter” topics for future fatherhood training sessions. The videotape also has served as an effective training tool with other female professionals, allowing them to gain insight into the fathers’ perspectives and interests.
Information gleaned from the survey, video and focus group meetings has formed the basis for development of programming and support efforts for fathers. Some examples of our efforts include meeting bi-monthly on a parenting topic that the fathers have selected. Topics have included ages and stages of child development, coping with teenagers, effective discipline, communication, school involvement, bullying, honor and respect, nutrition and child care.
Quarterly, we facilitate a “Me and My Dad” activity/program with dads and their children. Those events have included “Me and My Dad” in the Kitchen (nutrition and food safety) “Me and My Dad” on the Challenge Course (teamwork and communication) “Me and My Dad” on a Hayride (communication and loving discipline) and several others with holiday or seasonal themes. We have put together a newsletter, implemented a grant from AAFCS, we have trained more than 30 agency staff, and written a second grant to expand into the Hispanic community,
The success of these programs is in strengthening fathers’ stems from continually involving the fathers and evolving the process. We have found that working "father to father" is an effective strategy to get and keep fathers involved, not only in our programs but also in their children’s lives. We also are mindful that our efforts to strengthen families by strengthening fathers cannot be done at the exclusion of mothers, nor is it meant to alienate mothers. For that reason, we continue to offer parenting education and support for mothers and caregivers.
All of our efforts help to reinforce the message that fathers’ contributions to their children, beyond a paycheck, are extremely valuable and necessary. We strive to raise awareness about the powerful responsibility of fatherhood and the role a father plays in a child’s life. We are doing this one step at a time, one father at a time. Will we reach them all? Certainly not. But we plan to strengthen and validate those who are involved in their children's lives and together reach out to those who are not. We have looked at the impacts of fatherless ness and know that, as professionals interested in the family, we have a role in providing some of the support and education necessary to build stronger families through reaching out to fathers.
Cooperative State Research and Extension Service (CREES), United States Department of Agriculture (USDA), Washington, DC, 20250-0900. Available at http://www.reusda.gov.
United States Census Bureau, Washington, DC, (2000, 1990)
United States Department of Justice, Washington, DC, (1995)
Frank F. Furstenburg, Jr. and Christine Winquist Nord, “Parenting Apart -- Patterns of Child Rearing After Marital Disruption,” Journal of Marriage and the Family (November 1985): 896.
Jerrold Lee Shapiro, Ph.D., “The Measure of a Man: Becoming the Father You Wish your Father had Been” Delacorte Press, 1993.